圣诞节的话

有朋友说过，在这一天，不只是一个庆祝的节日，也是纪念他们的神所为他的信徒们所作的牺牲和复活之日。。。我不是什么基督教徒，不过以前有参与过，所以多少都知道一些些。。。
以前，都和其他人一样，都会做什么交换礼物的。。。可是，就在去年，认识了一个笨蛋，从未收过他的一份礼物，现在的我，也不会期望收到礼物。。。可是，我还是会照样把我自己的心思做出来，送给朋友们。。。 慢慢的，我想我也会习惯吧？
为什么把自己描写得那么可怜兮兮啊？最近爱上了手表，要不要向妈妈撒娇，要一个啊？呵呵！！ 好卑鄙哦~
这一次，常常往槟城来回，刚好圣诞夜还在家乡，都不能和朋友一起出去。。。
嘻嘻！写到一半，突然间想到去年的31/12写的部落格，光阴似箭，又到了今年的年为了。。。好不舍得哦！一眨眼，又毕业了！！！ 哈哈！！

Envy

Everytime I scanned through my facebook homepage, I could see those comments and shoutouts posted by my friends and my cousins to their bf/gf... I started to think,who am I? why I cannot be like them? Carefree...
I'm just a girl like you people out there, what I want is just a simple relationship with my love one. However, what are those matters that actually hinders me from having a simple relationship as others are having?
Honestly, I doubt my confidence,also your feeling towards me...I could see you are trying hard to convince me and gain confident from me towards you. However, I don't feel secured sometimes just because I get ignorance from you in public and i've to pretend nothing happened...
Envy, I always envy on those couples who can be so carefree ^^
They are so sweet ^^
sometimes, I'll console myself with your text msg... The only one msg which can only make me feel comfort was "holding your hand and walk along with you,to take your car..." --- definitely you forget this ,but I r'mbered it altho' it no longer in my inbox....
I think, it's time for me to grow up... thought I've learned from my previos r/s, I thought i've already grown up...the truth is...I'm still a <3 failure~

讨厌鬼！！！

为什么我那么执着？ 为什么我那么在乎？ 为什么我心里那么的害怕？ 我真的害怕。。。我再也不会相信任何人所说的话了。。。我真的好失望。。。我的要求只是坦白。。。为什么要说谎？说谎是不是很过瘾？ 我想，以后我会以同样的态度来对待了。。。都怪自己笨。。。以前什么事都告诉人家。。。我越在乎，越把事情搞得复杂，惹人心烦！ 倒不如，我也来说说"骗话"，让他们感觉，被"骗"的滋味。。。为什么我把自己搞得这么累？对不对？两个人相爱，在一起自然的就会开心。。。如果，当爱情走到必须一起努力的时候，那就是有问题了。。。

我想，我不需要那么贬低自己的价值。。。好像又听朋友说过“人长得那么好看，家庭背景有那么好，肯定有更好的人来爱你、疼你。。。为什么要伸手向他乞讨？” 

这句话说的没错，虽然不是指我，但是事实在于“只要那个男生真正喜欢你的话，他会为你付出，疼你，绝对不会放你一个人去面对困难，做任何事之前都会顾虑到你的感受。。。不是吗？”

还是，我真的不适合？我开始觉得累了。。。因为我怕。。。我对他太有信心了。。。以前我有人告诉我说“男生不会随便对女生那么好。。。对那女生有意思才会对她好”那～ 她那么不顺路，他那一天都那么累了，他不拒绝她，一回家又出去载她。。。这又意味着真么呢？ 她家人呢？她不是已经有男朋友了吗？为什么会要他去载？换着是我，我还会不好意思呢！！

如果， 在那封简讯有明确说好是她的话，这些烦死人的事情就不会发生了！！！还有，他说话的语气。。。那伤我还不少。。。 讨厌！！！ 鬼话连篇！！！ 我想我以后不会笨笨地说实话了。。。

我想我自己也可以找到我要的快乐。。。更不需要人家来施舍我！更何况，有人说：“只要有快乐和信心，不用你伸手，爱情也会来找你。。。” 到时候我就不必为这些不值得我烦的人和无聊的事而烦了。。。

听着， 我真的不需要你的怜悯！！! 我自己可以独立！！！不喜欢我的话就请你从我的生活中消失，爱我的话，请你别让我觉得害怕。。。嘴巴所说的是一回事，做的又是另一回事～ 你们真的好恐怖～这叫我怎么相信？ 怕～怕～

Blessed and Happy Birthday, Uncle!! ^^

Hhhmmph~ uncle, sorry coz I've nothing special and fancy stuff for you, but i could only made this as your birthday gift, hope you like it~ 

 

Happy birthday ^^

hehex!paiseh la... the writting abit messy...

ouh~ ya... and the layer cake, hutang first okay? 

epi epi bird-day to you, tua pui!!  ^^

幼稚的我, 想快快长大...

幼稚!!

我还是我~ 江山易改，本性难移~

为什么一直觉得没有安全感? 不管他对我多好,我心里中觉得,不是发自他内心的对我好...他对我的好,我怎么总觉得,他在配合我...单纯,纯粹只是以朋友身份对我好...要不是我告诉他我的感受,他会不会一样对我好呢?

有时候,我这句话一说出去,他就很不开心...他觉得自己以为做得不够好...其实,并不是这样的... 是我的问题，是我在还没有得到肯定，总会这样。。。肯定又怎样，没有被受肯定那又怎样。。。其实我想太多了。。。

其实，看到许多例子，爱情路走到那么遥远了，还是遇到尽头。。。我真的很害怕，害怕这次又遇到同样的问题。。。我告诉自己，宁愿找一个疼爱我的人也不要再找一个我喜欢人。。。

脾气我会收敛，可是我还是我，生气时就是那么的冲动。。。

唉~ 朋友说“要移开一座山还比改变一个人的格性来得容易得多了 ” 。。我同意这句话。。。没有人能改变一个人的性格，态度。。。只有能收敛。。。今天比昨天生气少一点点，明天比今天少一点点。。。那就够了。。。

没有人是十全十美的。。。要和他在一起就得接受他的不完美。。。一个喜欢吃蛋黄，另一个喜欢吃蛋白，那才合拍啊。。。当然，如果你发现他也和你一样，喜欢蛋黄，那就必须割舍一半，与她分享。。。就像他脾气不好，就包容他，等他气消了，再好好沟通，那就好啦~

不管是男是女，说一声对不起，再爹，再撒娇一下，就没事了嘛。。。

原来我太高估自己的坚强于自立

一直以来，都把自己弄得女超人一样。。。去到哪里，都是自己一个人。。。而且，被一个人告诉自己说“欣赏我的独立，不是每个女生都能像我一样，适应力强，什么事都自己一个人解决。。。”　能够得到他的肯定，我很开心。。。才发现，原来在人家眼中自己是那么独立的。。。
一直到昨天，病倒了。。。才知道，事实并不是他想象的那样．．．我很懦弱，我也只不过是一个普通的女生，也需要人家的呵护．．．

第一个想到的还是家乡。。。真的好想哭。。。自从Form4到槟城读书后，就很少回家了。。。即使有假期也忙着补习和读书。。。每一次生病都很痛苦，不会有人理会。。。每一样事情还是必须靠自己。。。一整晚，就坐在厕所前等着。。。怕来不及跑到厕所呕。。。到了大约早上8pm吃了叔叔给的药才可以入睡。。。 不是不想看医生，问题还是在于经济方面。。。真想不到自己可以沦落到生病都逼着自己不去看医生。。。
到了中午，他call来慰问，一挂电话，就从到厕所里去 “解决” 了。。。 一个人在家，也能觉得自己好像被欺负一样可怜。。。真的好想回家。。。好想哭。。。T.T
过后，我call回去给我老娘，跟老娘报告一切。。。还被她吐曹说 : " 贪吃...吃了米粉汤还吃云屯面..."　跟老娘有说有笑后感觉比较好了...
一整天就只喝两杯Milo,而且还是下着大雨，去买的．．．连老天阿公也在欺负我．．．你看！！　

过后,等他放工后,他又call 过来...老实说,　自己还觉得欣慰,　至少他还会找我几次...好想念他．．．［嘘～！　他都不喜欢我说我想念他．．．］
过后, HS 也有至电话来,　还比我老娘长气(可是我就是喜欢他这样), 一直叫我去看医生...哈哈！

哎～　好讨厌那些无聊的论文！！！再加上胃痛．．．他妈的．．．死了算了．．．

完美，不再完美。。。

家丑不可外扬。。。可是，真的是顶不顺了。。。
原本，我可以了解她的心情，还骂自己的弟弟。。。
可是，他们全家人真的是踩上人家头上来了啦。。。亏我爸妈还那么好心对待她。。。
不管心里有多愤怒，多替家人打抱不平，只希望有一天，他们得到上天赐的教训。。。
curse curse curse >.<"

中秋节快乐+生日快乐

跟朋友约好7：30pm 到，结果闹钟的确是调了7点醒，只是， 忘了换成 PM 罢了。。。结果我迟到了。。。

在家吃晚饭后就出发到 Starbucks 买了Java Chips 就前往目的地。。。

到了，把手中的饮品递给生日的那个人-赐光 （sze kwang) ，再祝他生日快乐。。。

Java Chips

 

到的时候，已错过了烧烤的欢乐，可是还有照片可以体验那气氛。。。

BBQ different types of ball ball...

我到不久后，他们就开始以月饼代替生日蛋糕来庆祝三个人的生日：

Sze kwang ,Jeff Fu & David 是前提庆祝。。。

Blow candles

 

Receive their birthday presents

Group photo

过后,我们大家提着灯笼到 Taman 绕一圈, 再去游乐场...

Ladies with Laterns

Before go rayau -rayau

Playground

Ladies

Most of you can only see the lantern...the yellowish tiny dot on top of the lantern was last nite's Moon...

Cleaning process

回到朋友家,继续吃零食谈天... 过了一阵子,就各自回家了~ ^^

朋友们,中秋节快乐~

临终关怀之感想

嗯~ 原本叔叔问我要听这讲座会吗？我一口拒绝了。。。
又不知如何，在凌晨2点钟，把看着一半的《公主嫁到》 关了，在楼梯口的白板上留言：“民叔叔，我决定跟你们去那讲座会。。。”  （我们家有这习惯，把重要的留言写在楼梯口的白板）
过后， 把闹钟调7：30am ，就睡了。。。


隔一天醒来，梳洗后，他们买了早餐给我，吃后就出发了~
老实说，一到目的地,感觉我好像来错地方了。。。因为看到两位法师。。。
可是，听着听着。。。其实，他们都把我小时候对死亡的概念一一揭开了。。。


还记得四年级那年，补完习，就坐在篮球场等爸爸来接。。。就在等着的时候，一个同班同学就问我“你怕死吗？”。。。回去，就问妈妈 人死后会怎样?可是却被骂了一顿, 说我乱说话,要我用手打嘴巴。。。
所以，小时候的我很怕死，应为我看到死去的人都被埋葬在泥土里。。。不能呼吸了。。。想着想着。。。自己用手捏着鼻子，忍着不呼吸。。。哇！好痛苦！！ 
即使长大了，知道人死后就停止呼吸,根本不关被埋在土里憋着呼吸的痛苦,但还是会害怕死亡...
所以,我不后悔昨天出席那讲座会..他深深让我体会到,, 人活在当下要懂得珍惜, 坦然面对每个人...
很多时候,人总要顾着面子,都不愿意把拿三个字说出口,结果,即使到了临终前还把气氛搞得很疆...
那三个字 - 对不起,我错了,我爱你,原谅了,等...很难说吗?为什么在世的人要让临终的人带着遗憾过世呢? 
"其实, 如果活着的人没有尽心尽力办到临终病人的愿望, 活着的人会更加痛苦,他们还继续活着,他们又意识,他们会想,他们必须继续承担...
(cite:yiliang, 2010)"


原来, 和临终病人回顾他的人生,点点滴滴,是多么重要的过程~ 从中,可以告诉他们所作了哪些好事~ 不管什么宗教信仰的人,都希望自己上极乐世界/天堂...大家都相信,在活着的时候一定要善行...只要做到一件坏事就必须受到惩罚... 可是,在这时候,宗教信仰就会扮演它的角色了...
临终时,最重要的是,即使病人知道以前有做错事,死后将被惩罚, 病人只要在最后一口气前要有好的意念,要舍得,要放得下... (cite:yiliang, 2010) 
好的意念就是所谓的 "死者死后,相信会有佛/上帝/主耶稣 会把他们带到所谓的极乐世界或是天堂...这样,他们就会安详的离开了..." (cite: Reverend) 这也是善终的其中元素执意...


有理智的人,是会学着去适应,做他人想要的,
没有理智的人,就只会想要别人听从他的,要别人迁就他...
当你身边的人要离开你时,不如你就当一个理智的人...听听他想要说的,想要做的, 趁他还在世,还清醒时,一一帮他完成...而不是争着要他立下什么遗属, 丧礼要办多大,办几天? 那些做给别人看的东西,对死者不重要了... 
还有, 最重要是别哭~  TMD!! 生前要是没好好珍惜,对待...那就别对着往生者哭得一把鼻涕一把眼泪了~ 人死了,就要他好走...哭,不会让他起死回生, 别让他放不下~


所以,各位读者... 活在当下, 就要好好对待家人和亲人~ 
别幼稚地斗下去了...一句对不起, 一句我错了,原谅我, 一句我爱你,可以化解所有恩恩怨怨 和莫须有的误会... 我们也因该从现在就了解,生前的身外物,即使是你用你的血汗所换来的金钱财产,也一定要舍得放下,不能带走~ 不管你是什么宗教,都一样...

脱下面具，还是做回自己是最舒服不过了~

无聊的一天，一早醒来，还继续赖在暖窝里。。。心里就想说：“ 来吧~假装我今天是公主”

在我的童话故事里，

1）公主一定要很漂亮，心底一定要善良

2）公主走路要很优雅，吃东西要细嚼慢咽

3）公主一定要轻声细语，看见坏人要大惊小怪

4）看见王子要害羞脸红，然后...虚弱昏倒 zzz

哇~ 好累哦。。。我最多只能装1分钟的公主，要不然我真的会昏倒~

Lucky, I'm in love with my best friend

对于我所说过的，想做的。。。虽然都知道是不可能的事，可是，在这几次的相处之下我真的感受到了~ 嗯，够了。。。谢谢！
不知道是我想太多还是你根本没有再配合，也不清楚。。。
我说过，几年后。。。什么事都可能发生。。。现在，我只是把这所谓的截止日期拉长看我所说的是否可能发生？三年也好，五年也好。。。只怕你说话不算话罢了~ 就让时间帮我解开这谜底吧~
下个星期会是最后一个星期可以相处的一天，还好我们是朋友~还称不上好友，那还好~ 做错事说错话不会被我骂。。。呵呵！！！
要不然就会像有些人，说错话就会被骂得狗血淋头。。。可怜呗~

2 weeks review.. ...

1st week :
Pressure...pressure...pressure....
staying alone sumore in that apartment...scary~ 
life without laptop n internet...sux~
but when comes to weekends, I was really enjoyed ...
Poker texus and Monopoly are the games to play on weekends...

2nd week :
Relax ... relax.... relax....
Avery is so nice to me...He did ask questions,but most are from syllabus...but too bad for Rachel, cuz she is the 1 he always bully ^^
Dinner with friends and my 'son' .... at least im not taking dinner alone ^^

Here...comes to the 3rd week... I'll be under Agnes's guidance ... I like her... she 's awesome...altho' im afraid of her sometimes when she is serious v her work...

告诉我你真实的感受，好吗？

不要再逃避了，请你面对我好吗？我不是很清楚你到底在想什么？ 以前的你一定会回我简讯,可是经过这件事后,你有时候都不会回我简讯了~ 你能叫我不怀疑你生气吗？

我真地向你道歉，因为没想过会写到敏感的话题。。。

因为在生活的例子真的是有这些人的存在。。。

所以我想，这一次只是我一厢情愿罢了，不关你的事啦~  别把自己当主角啦~ beh paiseh... hahhax!

既然是朋友的话，就告诉我你真实地感受，不需要担心，我不会难过。。。

就想你所说的，没希望好过假希望~  我会一个人面对这些事。。。

毕竟，我已经告诉过自己早就应该知道答案了嘛。。。这些都不是最重要的 ~

I'm stubborn,so... don't ask me to give up something so easily... It's time consuming...hope you understand...^^

The Eyes ..... that staresssss.... Ssspooooky~

Uuhmm~ Everybody has eyes,but do they know how to use their eyes in the right way?

<眼睛是所谓的灵魂之窗> ----> For those who don't understand the metaphore "soul of the window", it means " eyes is the most important thing in your body which completes your soul " ... So, you guys, better make sure yourself make use of them in a right way okay? 

God creates a pair of eyes for us to see...To see the beautiful World that He has created for Human being and other Living Organism, To see what is right and what is wrong, To see Pretty Girls and Handsome Guys, To see yourself through the mirror (ouh~ you better don't...I'm worried that you might faint to see your reflection as an UGLY creature)....To see whatever things you wish to see~

Buuuut .....~  but! Never ever stare at people! This is a very basic courtesy, don't you know that? Ouh~ you don't know huh?  That is why I'm here~ The main purpose for me to be here is to tell you that staring is impolite!! We know we are pretty, but please.... Your 'stare' is very much annoyed...so, please behave yourself and learn to be not stare ~ 

 

His eyes were severely crossed!

This is how the Story ends ...

Basically, I don't really learn from my pass experience or mistakes that i've done before...In fact, even though i seek for advice from people who knows about him better than I do, still I was sooO stubborn that I still keep put'in so much hope on it, until last nite, the truth has revealed and I hurt myself once again... What more I can say? say Padan muka to myself? 

My koko wasted his energy and time and talked to me for the whole nite when i realised that I've 1 kind of good feeling towards that Mr. Banana but I never listen...Stubborn...Didn't I ?  Please give me a generous applause~ What a good example of a stupid and failed student am I huh~ 

But maybe some of them telling me that if that person really do like you very much, religion thingy is not a problem at all...The most important thing is understanding between each other because different religion will have a different thinking, different practice ... So, the only interpretation i can get from this person, it's clear enough... I don't have to mention ad rite? so, it's ONLY 1 side reaction ~ I throw the ball, but somehow, I 'll never get the ball back...

Alright, fair enough...As i was mentioned in my previous blog post,  I've got the answer and clear explanation from him already, so it's memang padan muka to myself. 

Anyway, this time, is really my fault to "play and joke" too much without taking any precaution. That is why i slipped and fell down from the cliff, and I don't feel comfortable at all...At ALL~ When i saw the line "it's only for fun"... Last nite, I couldn't sleep well and had a nitemare... The worst is I'm going to have presentation today... *holy toooooot~

But still , we're friendz... Not a big deal... I'm not a small girl anymore... Plus, this love thingy is not as simple as a small girl ask for a candy / lollipop or plush toy which in the sense that 'I must get it!!' otherwise,I will cry... 

In adult world, it's totally different especially in this Love thingy situation, it's not just a candy or plush toy that you wish to have...It's more than that...Actually the feeling is like...stronger than that...stronger than a girl wants a candy or FluffaaaaayyyY Unicorn~  *Agnes voice*

[If only you know ...but u will never know]

However, I've learned that love is not about to make something or maybe someone I would say, belongs to you. It's about how are you going to make your love belongs to someone...Although, they might perasan or am song when they feel your love, but at least they feel happy~ Am I right?  My dear readers?

Uuhmm~ Now, I became more and more afraid of being so serious .

I admit that I'm not good in flirt'ing ...

Don't you think that I'm already get enough troubles for myself? So, it's better to kidding around and never be serious when chit-chat'ing... 

Ouhh~ No no no~!!! If think from another angle, I should learn how to be tough!! Tough enough to prevent the arrow from the Cupid to penetrate my heart or any part of my body...Or wear bullet shield...hahahx!! 

So, basically this is how the story ends ... 

No more flirtish messages ,only problem-solution messages and caring messages between US   ^^

Baby dino & ah kong

 

[Hey~ Don't always love love love lerr...(The most sux'iest sentence that i've ever seen which is used to comfort emo people like me) @@    koko, u failed ~ I fail u...can? hahhax!! ]

Friends : Quadro : My True Personality : Carefree

Preface:

Erherm!! Errr.... uhmm.... Actually it's very spontaneous to start this essay with this title. Basically, I would like to introduce those characters that are going appear in my paragraph soon.

College friend : Miss Chew, Mr.Lee, Mr. Chee

??? friend : Mr. Loo

Chapter 1:

All the three guys are working, 2 are younger than me, another is my koko...Ms. Chew is the only girl who communicate with me in dialect among our friends...

They are all my friends who are not around me 24.7, but when we get together, I will not cover up the true colour of myself, I'm not sure whether they are doing the same or not...but at least, at that moment, I am myself,never show them any fake' ness in front of them ...So, when being together with them I don't have to pretend,there will be no secret ...Same thing happens here, I'll share every single thing with them, but their , still depend on them whether they're willing to share with me or not...It is not a must to tell, they will say it if they want to...I do have a lot of friends, different categories ,but Not this kind of Friend...I feel lucky to have them as my friend...I

m sorry because until now, i still cannot fill in a suitable description for this gang of friends...We can talk about studies, talk about our clinical placement experience, happy/funny/love/sad stories, underage stuff for joking purpose, watch movie, dinner, teasing each other...There will be endless fun for us.... but too bad, it's just time not allow us to do that so often.

Chapter 2:

Ms. Chew is the one who knows almost everything about me, inside out, upside down...

(I think lerr...or maybe i perasan ,den i tak tau la....) She'll still keep silent all the time if I did something which is abnormal (eg : tip toe walking in her room or simply fold and throw my clothes into my wardrobe ), until she cannot bare with me she will help me to do all those stuff... She is not a girl that sweep the floor everyday, neither me...but once she knows that i want to go to her room, she will sweep the floor because she knows...I'm particular with cleanliness but not tidiness ...She would teach me how to dress up , telling me to change my image or whatsoever style instead of everyday wearing T-shirt, T-shirt and T-shirt ...I tried to change, but fail....*giggle*   (^*^)

Besides, I used to stay with her after break up with my ex...That time,her freaking weird room mate hasn't move in yet...so, We went to class together, we online, we ate together...did almost all the daily living activities together, except for bathing and pang sai... *giggle*

We did steamboat for 3 days continuously...

Breakfast+Lunch+Dinner = Yummy Tom yam Steamboat

Tom yam Steamboat  

 

Chapter 3:

Hmm~ Mr. Lee & Mr Chee were room mate before, each of them has their own characteristic... The way they talk are different, the way they manage their problems are different... but once three of us sit and have a discussion or chit chat, they would come out with the same idea, somehow... Especially on the topic that might misleading my thinking/perception/understanding...We'll teasing each other, laughing together and look at pretty girls... 

"hey! hey!! look at that girl! behind u! behind u! sui boh? " --->this would be 1 of the hot Questions ~ ^^ 

You may not know that, even they are so good with each other, staying in same room but don't know each other's birthday~ What a good room mate for each other huh... don't even know each other's birday and could only come out with one word when I called 1 of them out to give that birday guy a surprise ----> "C***i!!! today is Alex's birday ar?!!! How come I don't know?!! kh****k** liao, kh****k** liao...." 

I was like... *phew~ How sad if Alex heard Terrence's respond ... * 

but still, when three of us comes together, I wouldn't think about other things,only kapsiao'ing and there will be an endless discussion for all day long... Any Topic~ Any! unlike some male friends, we might have a certain limit or boundary when chit chat'ing ^^ but not for both of these 2 si ginna... ^^  

These 2 little boy working, but I'm still studying... So,hardly meet each other during day time anymore. Hope there are more outings to come for us~

Chapter 4:

Uhhmmm~ This guy... How I'm gonna write about this guy huh? I just knew him for not more than 3 months, through my cousin sis. A guy that makes me feel like.... wow~! I wish to have this ko ko, who can settle some of my problems for me...Hahahx!! No matter happy or sad, I'll tell him and ask the "solution" from him... hahhax!!  I haven't fully evaluate this guy, but i feel safe when telling him my stuff...No matter from what dimensions, I feel he is much more better than the Inspector Gadget...hahahx!! This uncle Loo will give me advice (more to solution for the problem i creates) but sometimes he scolds me...@@ for being nottie ler...I'm too stubborn ad...That's why he calls me si ginna....

He knows me quite well...in the sense that , he will not argue and kira with me for everytime after i've made him angry or said the words that's hurtful ...

I couldn't elaborate more than this...but he is a great buddy to me....^^

Now, not even partially evaluate....1/10 pun tak sampai.... hahax!!  I know I'm failed...He fails me bcuz I never listen to him, and when i get into trouble, i seek for him again... just like 乩童！！ hahahx!!

I wish I could have more and more chapters to go....It's time to sleep~

我的哭点 --- 不高

My close friend : Ning

My adik / Ning's lover : An

After I have been watching the video edited by Ning, plus the story and the obstacles that she was facing during the process of baking the cake for An's birthday, my vision has became blur...my eyes are flooded with tears...I have to admit that my crying threshold is too low...

Even a tiny story, just like the criminal mastermind, a character in Despicable Me, has changed from a jerk into a lovely daddy of three orphan girls, especially when he gives those kids good night kisses to them which he never want to do that initially, my tears Ooze'ing from my tear glands at that moment...

* Lllaaaaame~ @@

I wish that I could be like her ,can prepare a handmade cake for my lovers, but i have no chance to come across this occasion. It has been so many years i left my family to further my studies in Penang and KL. I wish that my family members will stay by my side all the time...but the truth is ,i need to be independent....

No doubt, It's true that physically they are not with me, but i am very sure that, mentally they are all by my side 24.7...The most recent celebration was 2 or 3 years back from 2010, my siblings and I celebrate mother's day together, and I could still r'mber how charming and beautiful was her smile~ ^^

What about Boyfriend? Too bad, i have never celebrate birthday for anyone of my Ex's. Things happen before their or my birthday comes...Last year I wish to give him a surprise, but he ruined everything. 

*giggle + tears flow'ng*  .... 

Last year while preparing the things for his birthday,I still r'mber how does my friend advise me, but i never listen... This is because I thought that he really waiting for that surprise....After all, when i stand in front of him, he was just ....hmm...~ At the end, I hurt myself... Is that the reason why I am single now? 

Fear avoidance huh~  Lllllaaammeeeee~

Apparently, i am still enjoying my single life very much! I have my Freedom and Privacy! I have my male and female friends~ I have my uncle and aunt~ I have my lil. cousins...^^

I am here wish'ing all the couple, married husband & wife , 终成眷属 ~  Live Happily ever After~

After i've read one of my friends' blog, only i know, without the existing of  the peak high and peak low, just like the waves in the ocean ,my life will be just a clean, nice and crispy piece of paper and never be exciting... so, specially thanks my Family Members, my Aunty Uncle ,Cousins, my Friends, my Enemy, my Ex and Readers for playing a role in my life... * Lllllaaaammmeeee~

Basically, It's all about our biochemical thingy in our body, the neurotransmitter substances that manipulate our mood or feeling...

It's impossible for someone neither to have happy feeling all the time nor sad all the time...

So, if there is sad thing happens to you, solve it with a smile...This is because I believe that, God or maybe Time will allow  you to think critically in order to get the solution and ensure that problem resolved 1 day...

Problem never exists forever ~ 

The only problem that could defeat you, is yourself ~ 

Try to be a good listener, counsel them or try to help them by giving them advice or suggestions...

For those who can read mandrin, I 'd like to tell you this :

帮助别人，提升自己~

帮助别人，不在于你可以帮到他们解决多少问题/烦恼，而是，当你听到他们的问题后，在你身上所发生的种种逆境，会让你觉得，你比别人好很多了，那你的问题就不再是问题了~

ComplicateD

Hey, you~ yes, it's you~ If you really want to make that person to be yours, what should you do? Of course, basically you need to get to know them and understand them first before everything comes to play a role...

but i thought this would be part of the process for a couple? how about other issue? Fear avoidance? Mindset? culture? 

Age? ---> (this would be chye's primary consideration)

Until now, i've seen alot of examples, friends around me and makes me realise that  If this would happened, that means these "issues"  really significantly affect our decision making,then ,that means you don't love that person enough to accept their "Imperfection"... 

My statement here, never blame any side of  you people. In fact, you may have your right to reason out... At least, you let your rational overwhelm rather than your ....whatsoever feeling that taking into account for any of your decision making. (p.s: Maybe this is one of the reason makes me admire about you.)

However, we don't know what is going to happen in our future...Time will prove everything after action has been taking place..So, people... If you really think that, he or she is an ideal partner in future, don;t have to be nice looking or rich, The personality is the most important thing..Opportunity strikes only once, grab it or you might regret, no harm done if u give yourself a try...

(koko,this 1 must r'mber...I support u..go and get her if u still think she is the best partner...altho in your heart im a failed student but i do learn...)

For me, myself, At least I never regret, and happy with the answer together with the explanation i've got.   

[ps: Since we already know the answer, and yet we are still fine with the way we used to communicate with each other... I am satisfy with every explanation that u gave to me and happy with our current condition. The most important thing is i don't have to keep this for myself anymore, and we can be ourselves again and act carefree all the time ]

[Ning kia, my english sux! my grammar sux! my writing....SUX! cnt swim zzz...]

Aging Process

Hhummhh~ what a wonderful Single life that i am having huh.... Fascinating~ Exciting~ Carefree~ 

Go where ever place i want to, do whatever things i wish to, never care about how does other people judging me...* like I careeeee~ *

However, most of my daily routine involve only my aunt & uncle which makes me feel like my Aging Process is speeding up. No matter how do i judge myself, from what angle, each of every dimension, i feel old... T.T

The way I think, the way I talk, the way I act, is  too 'lao yi' !!! I dont want to be that old~ What can I do in order to inhibit the secretion of growth hormones?  

Friends, any outings please count me in, in order to slower my aging process~ 

朋友的定义

我， 或许对你们不重要，但是，你，你， 你，你，还有 你，在我心里，我真的把你们当成了我生活的一分子。。。我把我的一颗心拿出来对待朋友，不是希望得到昂贵的回报，我需要的只是关心，支持，当对方的听众，一起制造快乐的回忆，陪对方度过我的人生。。。

要找到知心好友，真得很不容易。。。有时候我觉得我开始依赖你们了，所以，就算一点点的变化或是对我的态度有所冷淡，我会很失望~ 还是如果你有苦衷，还是忙着，可能笨蛋的我不知道，请你们给我一声通知。。。虽然我不是你的谁也好，至少我不会去想有的没的。。。
是从你身上学会“人是自私的” ， 这个道理。。。 我很想成为像你这样可以为自己而活一次，我承认，我很失败。。。因为我比较重感情，所以做不到。。。 也不是说你们不讲义气，这是人格问题。。。

在这两天的聚会上才学会，原来，做朋友也需要磨练好自己待人处世的表面功夫。。。带着面具去面对这世界。。。要不然，迟早被朋友背叛，也是自找的~ 没得怪谁的错。。。
是因为我从乡下来，所以我无知吗？难听一点，我就是笨！
还有谁可以来教我要怎样设计属于自己那精致的面具然后再怎么挂上它吗？
我想，对于你们来说，我这个孺子，怎么教都教不好吧~ 失败的学生，哪位老师想浪费自己的时间的。。。只能靠自己一步一步学~

我不知道我做错了什么事情，而造成你对我的敷衍。。。如果真的有，请你老实告诉我。。。别对我那么冷淡~ 我承认有的时候我很任性，我会试着改。。。江山易改，本性难移~请你们 给我多一点时间。。。
我知道你有比我还要好的朋友，但你对我一次又一次的拒绝， 我真得很失望。。。我介意为什么你什么事情都找他们，只是因为我们不是同一组的吗？ 真的那么简单？
你要我为你做什么，我都不曾拒绝过，如果不能，也尽量帮你完成。。。一来，可能希望能讨好你，帮你做好一件事后，可能会有话题，二来，想要你还记得我这个朋友，我会帮你，不会跟你计较什么的。。。我关心的是你的人，你的健康，你快不快乐。。。 我不希望你饿肚子，我会请你吃。。。你不开心，我希望你会找我倾诉。。。
好朋友不一定要每天都粘在一起，只要对方有事，都回为他做些什么的，那才是真正的朋友。。。


每个人对朋友都有自己的定义~ 那你的定义又是什么呢? 请你们大家扪心自问。。。只有对你们有利益的才叫做朋友吗？如果是这样的话，那我因该清楚知道为什么我交的全都是平平之交~  还是我的面具太透明式了？ 时常表露出自己最真的那一面？ 讨好不到大家~惹人讨厌？如果是这一点，我想，我会努力磨练~
不要到时候你们说我心机重就好了。。。   

)))))....我们的互动就像涟漪.....(((((

《 我和香蕉人的故事 - 第二篇 》

虽然之前说的是香蕉人还是没和小公主在一起，也对他不理不睬~ 可是，这一篇，故事有变动哦~

前几天，还以为说了什么不该说的话得罪香蕉人，结果连简讯都写得好短。。。可是再想想，可能他在忙着工作，不方便回。。。 嗯~ 既然他说没事，那就好~ ^^

一直以来是我太被动吗？还是香蕉人的本性就那么的冷淡？每一次都是我先找他。。。他才会有反应。。。（对不起，我不想接受这么高难度的挑战，我真的放弃了~ ）

可是前几天， 应为我忙着准备考试，既使一整天都不理对方，在睡醒开机和睡前关机时还是会受到一封香蕉人的简讯啦~ 可是，如果我没回呢？那真的就是一整天都不可能会有谈到话了~

觉得自己好像风筝，线一直被放了又收，收了又放。。。我很想当放线和收线的那个人，就在昨晚，我好像办到了。。。

最近，香蕉人好像在介意些什么的。。。以前的我们在FB 会光明正大的留言，现在呢？都尽量不去对方有留言过的留言板留言~ 

有人说了什么让彼此都尴尬的话，让彼此一直逃避对方~

那笨蛋还真是惹人惹事~ （我没说是谁, 你们也别瞎猜了）

有你陪我，一点都不寂寞~

你啊你，不用再怀疑了，就是你了 。。。真的对我每个星期天做么，有去哪里，那么有兴趣？我现在就来告诉你：我睡醒后就和叔叔，姑姑和表妹去吃早餐，过后再家一起看戏，晚上可能一起去 1U 逛~ 

也许你觉得我的周末过得很乏味无趣。。。都只跟家人，不找朋友一起出去wet。。。可是，只要我觉得开心，这不就够了吗？

其实，有你的简讯的陪伴，即使一整天呆在家里我也称不上是无聊的人。。。

至少我的一天，有哪几秒，几分钟由你来沾上一部分，都是我的荣幸~ 

也许你不觉得，但是我就是喜欢收到你的简讯，你的问候~ 

那至于已有男友/女友的你， 也别忘了我真的会想你。。。 尤其是妳。。。

我真的很想要和你去一家甜品店吃 ais keleng ... 听得懂这句话的妳，就是你啦~ 呵呵！！ 真的很想你啦！！！ 傻婆~ 

唉，最近出现了一座冰山。。。看来，不时不可能巧破那冰山，他还蛮幽默的~ 只是。。。  就是你。。。你啦。。。说什么也要拉到信仰去。。。 我想好了， 只做朋友~  他找我谈天，我就陪他说。。。我想和他分享事情，同样的，也会找他。。。

至于另一个朋友呢，我真的真的把他当成自己的哥哥。。。。什么事都会告诉他，因为他会帮我分析在给与我最恰当的劝告。。。 我做不对，他会骂我。。。可是我的任性有时候还真的把他气到无话可说~ 想在此跟他说声谢谢。。。对不起，请原谅我的任性~  

也有名称给你叫啦~ 小公主。。。 就是这么不听话。。。 很开心认识你~ 

还有你，我真的很想跟你上一课Anger Management & EQ management...很想好好学会怎样伪装自己，不这么容易把自己的情绪流露出来。。。很开心认识你~   ^^

 [文章上的‘你’指的就是你，就是每一个读者]

谢谢你在我生命中曾经是我的过客

之前，因为你的出现带给我真正的笑容。。。同样的，也因为你，不过，时间换成现在， 你把我的眼泪弄掉了。。。还以为我的伤口慢慢愈合，都是因为你的出现。。。到最后，你还在象似愈合的伤口上銿上一刀后再撒盐~

之前，我承认因为一时冲动，可能狠狠地把你 K 了一顿。。。可是， 身为朋友的你，请别带上你那一副好人面具来跟我做朋友。。。原因是 - 因为我笨 ~ 

他妈的~ 我心机没你那么重。。。 我老娘把我生出来的时候怕我太重，把那咚咚给拿掉了，所以我是没心机的小女生。。。

而且，我想在这里请这位脑残的先生， 别那么幼稚。。。

没错~ 你绝对有权力喜欢上你对她有好感的女生，不过请你别伤害这位没心机又无辜的笨女生。。。表姐只有一个，即使我有多不高兴你们在一起，我还是会给你们祝福。。。不过，至于我们的友情，就免谈了吧~！

 至少，我已献上我的祝福，也算是仁之已尽 。。。

我和香蕉人的爱情故事

有一天，我发现 我好像喜欢上一个香蕉人哎~  还是。。。 我只喜欢他的存在？他从来都不会自动找我谈天，每一次都是我先找他说话。。。 

还是当朋友好了，毕竟不同信仰又那么被动。。。 

*** 小公主最后还是没有和那香蕉人在一起， 故事完毕~ 谢谢！！ ***

这次的blog是写给一个跟踪我的人看的。。。要不然他又说我没 Update Blog 了。。。
不要在那边自己暗笑了啦~哈哈哈！！ 就是你了！！~
呵呵！！ 你开心了吗？ 为你而写的啊！！ 感动咧~哈哈！！ 

靠夭～ 为什么我还在乎他？

还以为我真得放下了，不再去想他以前对我多不好。。。在FB上也把他删除了，不想知道她的近况～　可是刚才看到他朋友说要等他载她回槟城，觉得好辛酸哦~       T.T

 我不知道可以向谁倾诉内心的伤痛， 周围的朋友都只会说“放下他啦！” 。。。而不是实际上用行动来帮我把我从地狱拔上来。。。

我真得快发疯了！！！如果再支撑不住，难道我又想回到那恶魔的身边吗？

好想从十楼高的窗户跳下去，那就一了百了。。。　如果真心好友真的存在的话，我真的很想你们大家把我抱得紧紧的，重新给我重活的希望和安全感～

压抑太久，我真得要崩溃了～　

Reverse Psychology

唉~ 不会拒绝，开不了口，是因为怕大家尴尬~
所以，故意在你面前破坏自己给你的印象。。。
脾气也变得暴躁，还特地骂三字经。。。还以为这样就可以打发他~
可是，除了劝我别那么粗俗之外，他对我的态度还是没改变。。。

对于他，不是完全没有感觉，尤其是看了他在FB对她的留言，不知不觉，心里还是在意，虽然他说过跟他什么都没有。。。 而为什么我会对她特别好？是真的发自内心吗？ 还是压抑自己的心情表演出来的？
她是我的亲人，曾经被他欣赏，我真的很在意这一点~

还是。。。。那句“男生不坏，女人不爱” 这歪理发生在我身上？
为什么？是我犯贱吗？真正对我好的我偏不要，就是喜欢那些坏坏的。。。
到了最后，把自己搞得偏体鳞伤~ 

我只想要一个平凡的生活~ 有时候打打闹闹的，也不错。。。 要不然，永远都酝酿不出一个有温度的爱情了^^  

奇怪的感觉

走在他身旁，感觉好特别哦~ 是特别吗？还是奇怪？呵呵!~   ^^   我自己也不清楚。。。

当我以为还可以再进一步，放松自己，试着打打闹闹的时候，我那笨蛋大白痴的人体GPS突然亮起红灯向我警告~  干嘛啊？好尴尬噢！

难道，那道墙还在吗？试图保护我吗？  

唉~顺其自然吧！ 开心就好 ^^

朋友~ 我想做的事就是。。。 。。。了解吗？

还以为可以开开心心过完这个星期， 就算你不想去我也不能拿你怎样。。。何必这样祈求那天下起雨来呢？


星期三：

我：Nian， 等下有空闲吗？
Nian：等下会一个人去看戏，票已经卖了~
我：那， 我等你看完戏再一起去吃晚餐咯~
Nian：好~

（妈妈叫我陪她吃晚餐，自己又饿了，再加上下大雨，所以没有拒绝妈妈）

我：Nian， 不好意思~ 下大雨了，取消吧~

星期四：
（在车上）
我： Bb，有空吗？ 等下一起去吃晚餐好吗？我还想越另一个朋友（Nian）出来~
Bb：嗯~好啊~只有今天没活动~ 问了再告诉我。。。
 （到家，A正在讲电话）
我：A, 等下要一起去吃晚餐吗？
A：不能， 等下要出席朋友的生日会，你要跟吗？ 你跟谁？
我： 我已经告诉Bb和Nian。。。
A：你发搔 啊？
我：Nian, 等下我们越一个地方好好谈天好吗？ 心情不好~
Nian：好~ 饭后吧！

（由于和S一起参加朋友的生日到很迟了，所以。。。）

我：Nian， 对不起，太迟了~ 取消好吗？

星期五：

我：Nian， 今晚可以一起吃晚餐吗 ？
Nian：我约了朋友，对不起~

你们每一个人都对我很重要~ 我只想和你们每一个人可以有时间好好谈天，即使不需一分钱，也能办到的事。。。有些朋友是很久没一起出去了，所以会告诉自己不只是有问题才找他们，偶尔也应该出去谈谈心~ 可是，就因为自己的社交稍微出了问题，失去了这些机会。。。 有时候，还真的怀疑自己的办事能力有 问题。。。 为什么那么在乎别人怎么看我？ 又怕别人那捂不住地嘴巴，被他们批评到一文不值~

自欺欺人

睡不着觉，我真得好累，好累。。。 明明就对一个人有好感，可是由于害怕重复倒徹, 在我心里建了一道保护自己的围墙，以免再度受到伤害, 所以在否认。。。

其实，我也像一般女生，想要有人呵护，疼爱~ 我不想自己再次回到从前一样， 追着自己喜欢的人跑，即使他从不回头看我一眼，我也笨笨的继续追在他后面然后再讨好他~ 结果，换来的只是他的冷落。。。  

我知道自己自私，希望自己的另一半紧张我，关心我 ，可是我对于他的关心，却不想表达出来让他知道~
白痴，好复杂哦~

越描越觉得自己像白痴~ 




宁，damn hungry~ Miss u so much!! Faster , need ur consult for my situation~  I know, for sure u ask me to study 1st...

I . Me . Myself

以前的我，遇到了一个自己喜欢的人就会很顺其自然的一起 出去。。。久而久之这段恋情就开始了。。。　一开始都是开心的，结果呢？我本身经不起他人的挑拨，所以。。。现在已摆脱了纠缠不清的关系。。。单身了～　

现在就活在自己生活圈，尽量认识更多更多能让我开心的朋友。。。

 我想，这些经验都变成了生活的阴影。。。即使遇到对他有好感的人,我想我也会说服自己别想太多，顶多只作朋友吧～　这样一来，我们都会是永远的朋友。。。　我真得很怕失去然后心痛的感觉，被被判的感觉。。。接下来的感情世界，我想因该会被这一层看似没有的，可是又在心里一直警惕你的人体GPS。。。永远心存怀疑的态度面对接下来的感情。。。

只有用行动来证明他对我的感觉，那又是另外一回事了～　　当然，我也是以普通的女生，也想自己的另一半疼自己呀～　你说对不对？　嘻嘻！！

所以，加油咯！！　单身万岁！！！ 　　开心就好！！

March Baby

生日很快就要到了，有很多次想要问他还记得我的生日是在几号？可是，又不敢。。。因为我有很大的预感，他忘了我的生日日期~ 觉得自己很可悲，因为太多事情我自己可以猜到的但又不敢面对。。。 这个星期跟他说分手其实是给自己借口，让我可以从今天开始就说服自己说别在希望他会给我什么礼物或是惊喜了~ 期望越高，失落就越大。。。
如果他还记得我的生日我应该满足了~ 知足常乐是我一直以来的为人~

难道他忘了去年他对我的诚意有加，从槟城回来吉隆坡，下着雨，也要过来再次帮我庆祝吗？那感觉就好像昨天才发生的一样，心里还沾沾自喜的~ 在那时候身为朋友的他还蛮体贴的，还请了我吃一顿好的~

我不是一个追求物质的女生，但如果可以收到自己喜欢的男生送我的东西，我想那一定很开心~
身为女生/男生的你 *你说是不是呢？*
生日的前一天，朋友们都忙着赶论文，我想我也是，大家都没时间吧。。。
可能， 可以透过简讯 收到你们的祝福我就心满意足了。。。
真不希望自己那一天是那么堕落~
 我想到了， 买一瓶红酒，一块迷你蛋糕，插上蜡烛，为自己唱生日歌，许愿，吹蜡烛。。。
再来自拍，post 上去~ 还是一样，我会很开心的~



P.S: 宁，你不一样哦，我死都要你帮我庆祝！！！  hehehx!!

Last Photo i took in 2009 - New Hope in New Year

year 2009 oredi passed,today is 2010, is the 1st day and a brand new day in 2010... now look back, i've come across a lot of good things and bad things...there are laughters and sadness... there are too much storries that i'd like to tell here.... There so many sad things happen on me in 2009 but  Now i hope I could have a New hope in New year!!  I must try my best to change myself into a better 1 ,let go those stuffs that always make me unhappy and wake up with a smile in every morning~

31st of Dec 2009